Bosco's Film Notes

TMNT

2008-03-07T12:18:00.002Z

Actually pretty good. Better than the live actions ones. Some emotional moments done quite well, and a cool new look for the turtles. A cartoon all people my age will be familiar with. Top notch voice acting from Patrick Stewart.

7/10

Night at the Museum

2007-08-01T12:45:00.000+01:00

Night at the Museum -- 2006

Another great Ben Stiller film, with a wonderful supporting cast. Owen Wilson and Steve Coogan are especially memorable. 7.5/10

Bushi no ichibun (Love and honour)

2007-08-01T12:42:00.000+01:00

Bushi no ichibun -- 2006

Brilliant and very moving Japanese drama film. Excellent main star in Takuya Kimura playing a Samurai who, due to bad luck, becomes blind. 9/10

Recent Movaaays

2007-05-08T13:48:00.001+01:00

I will get back into the flow of things eventually.

Here are the latest films I have sat through:

Saw III – 2006

Even more sick. Damn better than the second one. Angus Macfadyen is brilliant as one of the victims, and central to the reasonably clever plot. Have not seen him since he played Robert the Bruce in Braveheart. 6.5/10

Batman – 1989

Batman (Michael Keaton) seems at bit physically small, but heroes did not need to be Christian Bale size back then. Jack Nicholson is amazing as Joker, still the best villian throughout the whole series of films. Jolly good cast really. 7/10

Batman Returns – 1992

Another great cast. Keaton returns with his unique thoughtful and quiet loner style. Danny Devito makes for a great Penguin. I found the plot silly this time, and it's not as good. In fact, a little dull. Catwoman is hot. 6/10

The Dark – 2005

Mostly dull and certainly not scary. Good ending, but probably not worth the wait. 4/10

Confessions of Pain (Seung sing) – 2006 伤城

Coming soon. 7/10

Also coming soon: Audition

North Country

2007-04-22T14:34:00.000+01:00

North Country -- 2005

Hahaha another film with Sean Bean. Just a small part in this film, but a nice effective part nonetheless. The main star in this film is Charlize Theron who plays a single mother of two, Josey Aimes, who does not have the best of luck in life generally. An opportunity presents itself when a mining company reluctantly opens its doors to women workers. The pay is far superior to all the normal jobs available to women in the local area, so Josey takes it. However, the men at the mine are bent on giving the few women who join up a damned hard time. And believe me, there are some very ugly and nasty fuck heads in there. It's a bit like a prison film really. The film is sort of based on a real life landmark legal battle between a group of women miners and a mining company in Minnesota I think.
It's an interesting film with plenty going on. Woody Harrelson plays the Lawyer who eventually takes on Josey's case. An all-round impressive cast. Excellent Bob Dylan songs throughout the film. Well worth a watch. 7.5/10

Nell

2007-03-24T15:42:00.000Z

Nell – 1994

A girl is brought up in isolation by a strange old lady deep in woodland, North Carolina. She speaks her own language, a sort of distortion of english, and has no idea of the modern outside world. After the old lady dies, the existance of the child is discovered by Dr Lovell played by Liam Neeson. He soon becomes very protective of Nell (a passionate and beautiful performance by Jodie Foster) and seeks to keep her at peace in her own environment, but it is inevitable her unique existance will soon gain the wrong kind of interest from others. The acting is superb throughout, and the story captivating and emotional. I was quite surprised with the nudity from Foster. I did not realise she had gotten nude in a film before. Most well-known actresses do at some stage I guess, but it's clear Foster put all she had into this character and the nudity is essential (and, yeh she has a nice little body...ah-hem). A great film. Not watching this film makes you suck sweaty swollen fat man balls. 9/10

Coming soon

2007-03-15T13:28:00.000Z

Oh fuck... I seem to be a little behind. Got a back LOG here. Please bear with me, hordes of eager pant-wetting fans.

Superman Returns 6/10
DOA: Dead or Alive 5/10 Enjoyable. Some awful acting but no surprises there.
Final Destination 1,2 and 3 average 7/10 Highly entertaining horror movies.
Casino Royale (5/10) Found it a bit dull. Craig is brilliant though.
Slither 7/10 Good fun.
Silent Hill 6/10
A Bittersweet Life 7.5/10
Death Note 8/10 Clever and something different.
Blue Sky (Wonderful Days – 2003) 5/10
The Grudge US version (6/10) Quite scary. SMG is lovely.
White Noise 7.5/10 Gripping and clever horror.
Munich 6.5/10 Interesting stuff. Eric Bana perfect.
Children of Men 6/10 This was an absolutely brilliant film... cept' the stupid fucking ending.
The Hills Have Eyes 5.5/10 Average horror in all respects.

Ong-bak

2007-02-28T13:13:00.000Z

Ong-bak 2003

Wow! I have honestly never seen such stunning realistic fights in a film before. No strings needed or effects. This is hardcore shit, as they say...er those people that say stuff. I will not be surprised if people died to make this film. It's a must-see for any man! Women can enjoy it too though, especially cool women who also have the capability to enjoy man-stuff like video games and these kind of films as well as having beautiful long hair, being well-dressed, feminine and possibly naked. None of that short hair, man-hating bull shit. Er..anyway, the story is quite simple (Sacred Buddha statuette called Ong Bak is stolen from a simple peaceful village, and so they send their strongest to the modern outside world (Bangkok) to retrieve it from a nasty underworld gang leader), but this film is about showing the talent of the main actor: Thai Tony Jaa.
Support is good especially from the guy who plays Humlae. The young girl can act pretty well, but her voice grinds somewhat, especially when she bawls. All in all a great piece of entertainment! Second one in the making...whoooo! 8/10

Coming soon

2007-02-24T15:02:00.000Z

Yhahahahah.

Silent Hill and the Korean film: A Bittersweet Life. The Japanese film: Death note.

I saw the Mexican film: Battle in Heaven last night. So I will review that now: 1/10. Utter art house world cinema shit, except it was slightly interesting watching a young attractive girl have sex with an old fat bloke with a small penis.

If anyone would like to give me a million pounds, please contact me.

Lots

2007-01-27T16:56:00.000Z

I have a serious backlog, so it's time for very short reviews of everything else I have seen this January:

Memoirs of a Geisha – 2005

The plot is too complicated to describe in detail here, but it's about a poor girl who works her way up the geisha ranks to be the most famous. It's a great film with a fair bit of emotion packed in. The cast is pretty good, despite the lack of actual Japanese. Lovely love story included. Proud Ziyi Zhang is ever easy on the eyes and plays the lead. Also stars Li Gong, Ken Watanabe and the amazing Michelle Yeoh. The whole cast rules. Obviously it is all glorified to the extreme. I enjoyed it. 7.5/10

Kate on imdb comments for this film says this about the film and I agree: "So, let me re-address the question: Can a group of American men and Chinese actresses render the world of a geisha? The answer, I guess, really depends on what you are looking for. If you would like a little bit of delight from an aesthetically pleasing picture with a vague standard for authenticity and realism, this movie delivers it. I would not say Rob Marshall (director) failed completely. Memoirs of a Geisha is not the first, nor the last, movie that subjects another culture to the crude lens of American exoticism. It definitely is not the worst one."

March of the Penguins – 2005

Remarkable documentary-film. Planet Earth touched on this fascinating world of the penguin, but we learn a great deal more with this picture narrated very well by Morgan Freeman. Simply fascinating, and it's always good to stop and realise what goes on out there. Such a harsh evironment for these cute animals. 8/10

Mission Impossible – 1996

Tom Cruise, Ving Rhames, Jean Reno, Jon Voight, Vanessa Redgrave, Kristin Scott Thomas and some French bint work to create a complicated, but brilliant, action film. Cruise makes Ethan Hunt to be one of the best action characters out there. Great entertainment, but not if your looking for a no thinking required action film. 7.5/10

Mission Impossible II – 2000

This one is directed by God John Woo, and so visually it's better than the first. Dougray Scott, Thandie Newton (damned sexy in this) and Brendan Gleeson support with Ving, back for more, too. Good stuff. 7/10

The Ring – 2002

Naomi Watts (King Kong) stars in this American remake of the Japanese original. Not quite as good, but a damn fine attempt. The main guy just ain't as cool though as the Japanese guy in the original Ringu. 6/10

United 93 – 2006

The story of the fourth plane to crash during 9/11 due to the passengers uprising against the terrorist idiots. The conclusion is extremely well done and impacts that bit harder as you realise clearly what it must have been like for them. It's a tense film, as you would expect. You feel the chaos, and it remains pretty neutral throughout. 8/10

X-men: The Last Stand – 2006

Introducing more characters with some unexpected moments if you are not that familiar with the comics, like me. Vinnie Jones looks great as Jugganaut, just a shame they gave him some lines. Ellen Page plays Kitty and boy is she hot; another highly attractive Canadian gal! Problem is too many characters are introduced with no development. They are simply packed in too show off their cool abilities. It's safe to say the fans hate it, especially with the complete fuck around of the Phoenix plot. I sort of enjoyed it, mainly due to Shakespearean actors Stewart and Mckellen who both bring so much to these films and I do believe they enjoy this far-removed stuff. It does have some great action moments. 5/10

Dawn of the Dead

2007-01-27T16:36:00.000Z

Dawn of the Dead – 2004

A very entertaining gorefest with interesting characters. The violence has a touch of comedy to it, so cannot be that shocking. The zombies move fast which adds to the horror and makes this film different to the usual slow walking easy-to-kill zombies in other zombie flicks. The film gets moving pretty damn suddenly, probably after 2 minutes of normality. Suddenly the world has gone to hell and zombies are everywhere, and we follow a small random bunch of survivors; forced together, and end up holding out in a mall. This film will easily keep your interest for the duration; if you have friends round, fuck em and enjoy the flick. They won't wanna socialise either anyway. It's that good! The cast includes Ving Rhames (Mission Impossibles) playing typical solid (with underlying passion) guy who acquires extremely necessary shotgun. Brit Jake Weber plays the nice guy and love interest of main character Ana (excellent Canada actress Sarah Polley). Everyone is really good at head shots which is convenient, cus that's best way to down these zombies. This film is simply fun! It's a remake of the 1978 Romero original. The general consensus is that it is just as good. 7.5/10

Life shit

2007-01-12T21:16:00.000Z

I'm going to be away from the internet for a couple of weeks, possibly longer, due to life shit. Life shit that keeps me away from doing all I enjoy doing most: watching films, surfing the net, travelling, reading, video games, beers with friends. Wish i was rich. Some folks say rich people, who don't need to work cus they inherited a fortune, get bored with life, and do not have the satisfaction that comes with gaining riches yourself from hard work. Not me, I would relish it for I am A MAN OF VERY MANY HOBBIES (and little care for the world)! Ahahahhahahahhahah. Oh well, life pulls me away. See ya in good time.

Coming soon: Memoirs of a Geisha, Mission Impossible, Mission Impossible 2 and March of the Penguins.

Films i saw over the Christmas period

2007-01-06T15:08:00.000Z

I have really not had time for my beloved film reviews. So here be some REALLY short reviews of the films I have seen in past month. I might expatiate in my own good time damn it.

The Da Vinci Code – 2006

Tom Hanks being surprisingly dull as symbologist Robert Langdon from the book everyone read on the train, except those that can't read a book from start to finish (70% of Brits I think... I may have made that up, but it's probably true). Book is good, but this film lost a great deal given the book was written like a frickin film. No one was really amazing, despite the impressive cast. Average. 5/10

The White Countess – 2005

An absolutley wonderful film from an amazing writer (Kazuo Ishiguru) and with one of my fave actors: Ralph Fiennes. Kazuo also was behind another amazing film and book: Remains of the Day. It's set in Shanghai in 1936. It's a romance involving a blind American who realises his dreams by setting up his idea of a perfect classy bar, and an exiled and now poor Russian countess, Sofia. Both have intriguing backgrounds too shown with almost anime-style flashbacks. The film ends with the Japanese invasion. 9/10

Ronin – 1998

This action film set in France stars De Niro, Jean Reno, Stellan Skarsgard and Brits: Natascha McElhone, Jonathan Pryce and Sean Bean. Sean Bean is sadly God-awful in this film. His acting just didn't come across too well, though it was early in his career and an awkward character to play: coward acting hard. It's about a bunch of folks chasing a very important case with unknown contents. Lots of shooting and impossible car chases. I enjoyed it. 6/10

Mrs Henderson Presents – 2005

Lots of boobies! Judi Dench, Bob Hoskins and Will Young are great in this film, set between the two great wars, about a rich woman, who has recently lost her husband and has lost meaning to her life, and so she decides to start her own theatre. She buys the derelict Windmill theatre in London's West End. Competition eventually becomes tough so she takes the extremely controversial step of having nude women in her shows. It's an enjoyable film and Dench plays a fun and lively character. 7/10

National Security

2007-01-02T16:34:00.000Z

National Security – 2003

From reading the imdb user reviews, this film is pretty much hated by many people. A few claim it is racist against white people with the main black character blaming all his life problems on white people. The bad guys are all white; most black characters in the film being perfect citizens. The main black character keeps playing the race card and dislikes the fact the main white character (Steve Zahn) has a black girlfriend. The black man against white man humour is taken to the extreme and totally overdone by the end of the film, but can be enjoyed to start off with. The black character is played by Martin Lawrence, who at times is funny and at others dire (in real life he seems to be a bit of a dick -- arrested for carrying a loaded gun in 1996 at an airport plus a few more incidents involving the law later). Steve Zahn's acting is a bit dodgy at times in this film. I have to admit I did laugh a fair amount and did not look into it too deeply like those angry imdb users. It is just a fun film, after all, with a happy silly ending. 5/10

My Super Ex-Girlfriend

2006-12-31T08:13:00.000Z

My Super Ex-Girlfriend – 2006

I watched this on the plane back from Japan. All the other films were so rubbish it hurt. Utter shite like The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift and Step Up. However, Super Ex was a nice relief from the boredom and discomfort of air travel. It's a fun film about a lonely guy, Matt, who meets the rather innocent Jenny. Things go ok but Jenny's behaviour is more than just a little odd at times. She starts to become rather needy and a little crazy at times. Hannah is Matt's work friend and warns him to be careful with this Jenny character. Later the odd behaviour is soon explained a little by the fact Jenny reveals herself as G-Girl, the local superhero. However as Matt starts having second thoughts and seeks advice he realises he is making a big mistake and decides to break up with Jenny/G-Girl. Also Matt is becoming more and more attracted to Hannah. This leads to some very scary results as Jenny becomes insanely angry about the break-up and jealous of Hannah. Maaaan I could have made that story explanation so much more brief! Agghhh!

Matt is played by Luke Wilson. G-Girl by Uma Thurman. Hannah is played by the adorable Anna Faris. It's a cool cast, further improved with Eddie Izzard as Professor Bedlam. The part involving the shark is fantastic. Definitely worth a watch! 6/10

Heat

2006-12-10T12:26:00.000Z

Heat – 1995

Yo punks, I'm back. Been really busy, but found time to watch Heat last night. Everyone, except me, must have seen this film. The great coming together of Mann, De Niro and Alfredo Pacino works out to be quite the freekin masterpiece. Throw in excellent support from Kilmer, Voight, Dennis Haysbert, Wes Studi, William Fichter, Judd and Sizemore. There is also a character called Bosko (Ted Levine), but he gets shot by Kilmer's character.

It's about a group of professional criminals lead by De Niro's excellent Neil McCauley character. They are hunted by Lt. Vincent Hanna (Pacino) and his LAPD homicide team. The film slowly but surely shows how similar these two guys are as their respective careers eat up their personal lives blocking out family/lovers, and in other ways too. The film is best known for the cafe scene with the brief but brilliant conversation between the two big guys, and then the incredibly well done shoot-out outside a bank in the middle of a busy LA street. I don't think there is anything more intense than this scene currently in film to watch. Just fantastic directing!

De Niro does an excellent job of showing a bad man's human sides. Pacino is just brilliant too, showing a very troubled man but a man who can show compassion and resolve. Kilmer stands out a mile as well. Ultimately they are all tough guys, but so much more. I love the part when Kilmer smiles just before getting to the car. A must see film, but you have already seen it. If not then punch yourself in the face. 8.5/10

Tristan + Isolde (SPOILERS)

2006-11-25T14:57:00.000Z

Tristan + Isolde – 2006

This is a well-done tragic love story set in the highly interesting and mysterious Dark Ages of Britain (Cornwall mostly). The shooting style is pretty much the same as Antoine Fuqua's King Arthur. A good looking cast with King Marke (Rufus Sewell) standing out in terms of performance. I also quite liked American James Franco as Tristram. he was pretty solid and could handle the romance. He also plays Harry Osborn in the recent Spider Man films.

However, Much is unrealistic, ill-thought out and stupid. People falling into traps far too easily; Tristans escape from Ireland unnoticed; the stupid trapdoor no one discovers only a long period of time; the fact Tristan and Isolde finally get discovered when they would have been able to hear the mass of running horses coming from far away.

Despite the plot holes I did enjoy this film; it maintains scenic beauty throughout and wonderful costumes. The action scenes are pretty good too, though obviously on a smaller scale due to budget, with rather silly tiny armies. It is worth seeing. 5.5/10

Starsky and Hutch

2006-11-11T22:15:00.000Z

Starsky and Hutch – 2004

I love Owen and Stiller films, but this one was mediocre at best. I would score it lower than 5, but I just love these two. Even with a limited script to work with they are still a joy to watch. It's based on the well-known TV series about 1970s police detectives, which i have never bothered with. Starsky (Stiller) takes the job very seriously and is generally uptight and tough. Hutch is more laid back and streetwise. They are very different types of cop and this plays off. Some excellent physical comedy from Stiller as well... love his angry-cop run. Vince Vaughn plays the big bad guy with the drugs and the heaps of cash and the scantily-clad women. It is a bit of fun and worth a gander. Do it...do it...do it. 5/10

Seven Swords 七剑

2006-11-10T21:50:00.000Z

Seven Swords – 2005

You get the feeling there is so much more to this story and its characters than revealed by the film. In fact the original edit was 4 hours and it is based on a large book.

The Qing Dynasty bans martial arts completely to increase order. A cruel general called Wind Fire seeks to profit from this by using his army to kill as many martial arts practitioners as possible for money. One last village remains and due to a series of events gains the aid of the powerful seven swords (seven warriors each with a cool unique sword and style). They seek to lead the whole village out of harms way so that they can confront Wind Fire without having to worry about keeping villages alive in a huge battle scenario, but all does not go to plan. Some other stuff is going on too involving romance, a Korean slave girl and such.

I did not really enjoy it too much. It has some weak sub-plots (maybe rushed versions of good plots from the novel) and some far-fetched moments usually forgiveable in martial arts movies. No single character stands out. Even the main bad guy seems rather lame. The final fight between Wind Fire and Dragon (I think) goes on and on and you are wondering if a freakin sword is ever gonna penetrate flesh.

However, it looks fantastic with fine cinematography, fairly interesting fight scenes (without the wires) and great costumes. The characters have cool names like Transience and Celestial Beam...mmmm Celestial Beam. It might be worth a look if you are a hardcore fan of East Asian film. 4.5/10

Remains of the Day

2006-11-04T12:23:00.000Z

Remains of the Day – 2003

Taken from the novel of the same name by the Japanese author Kazuo Ishiguro this film is an impeccable drama set in the 1930s during a time when England sought to help and appease Germany. Anthony Hopkins plays Mr Stevens, who is the butler of a rather large estate. We follow Mr Stevens through his daily duties, who has totally accepted his place in this world of status and ensures the perfect running of a large household often used to host gatherings of important people. He is completely dedicated to his master who, as it soon becomes apparent, is a Nazi sympathiser and is working with the most highest of men to appease Germany. An American, Mr Lewis played by Christopher Reeve, arrives at the house for one of the many formal dinner occasions and voices his concerns on this soft approach towards the Germans. (The Americans were right and it is believed now that this appeasement policy contributed to the coming of WW2.) There is a hell of lot to this film all seen from the perspective of Stevens, though how much of it he actually takes in is uncertain. All that seems to matter to Stevens is that his job is done to the highest of standards.
Hopkins brings this dignified character to screen wonderfully well in one of the greatest performances ever. Even under the most distressing of circumstances Stevens maintains a calm exterior with the up most in dedication to servitude; household and master. He manages to push all his own emotions and thoughts completely to the back of his mind, focusing entirely on carrying out his duties for Lord Darlington (James Fox) and guests. But as we watch him carefully, simply little reactions in his face or voice, we learn there is so much more to him deep inside. It can be difficult to understand Mr Stevens behaviour, but you can come to accept it and it certainly gains your interest. Towards the end of the film you will really feel for Mr Stevens.

The rest of the cast are all fantastic including Peter Vaughan, James Fox and Hugh Grant. Emma Thompson plays the head housekeeper and the unspoken love-interest of Mr Stevens who is simply unable to show any kind of affection. This relationship is the most powerful and moving aspect of this story. A deeply affecting film. 9.5/10

Late reviews: Ikiru 生きる, Lord of War and The Twilight Samurai たそがれ清兵衛

2006-10-27T21:02:00.000+01:00

Damn it's been so long I have forgotton about these films:

Ikiru – 1952

An absolutely beautiful and thoughtful Japanese film by the acclaimed Akira Kurosawa. A man finds out he is dying of cancer and seeks to bring meaning to his life, after working so long as a dull bureaucrat (agggh such a horrid word to spell!) for the city hall. Anyone who loves film should see/have seen this masterpiece. Sadly there are rumours of a remake, but this film should be left alone. However, I have to accept a remake may will more people to watch the original which can only be a good thing. 9/10

The Twilight Samurai (Tasogare Seibei) – 2002

Set in mid-1800s Japan shortly before the Meiji Restoration. It's about a low-ranking samurai widower, Seibei performed by Hiroyuki Sanada MBE, who struggles to look after his two young daughters and his senile mother. He barely has time to wash himself, as he also takes on a second job making small bird cages to sell. One day a woman from Seibei's past returns, Tomoe and she brings a new happiness to his family, but also some troubles. A brilliant and moving drama. 9/10 Sorry I'm bias... I adore Japanese film. Hiroyuki Sanada played Ujio in The Last Samurai with Tom Cruise.

Lord of War –2005

The main character of this film is Ukrainian immigrant to America Yuri Orlov (Nicolas Cage). We follow his arms selling career and how this affects those close to him. He starts off selling to local gang members and finally ends up dealing worldwide especially to a rather nasty African Warlord. Constantly on his tail desperatly trying to get some solid evidence is Interpol Agent Jack Valentine. Valentine will come to accept a harsh truth.
This film has a brilliant but shocking start sequence. It also stars Ian Holm, Jared Leto as Yuri's brother and Ethan Hawke as Detective Valentine all giving solid performances. 8/10

Madagascar

2006-10-27T19:19:00.000+01:00

Madagascar – 2005

A silly, fun but pretty average family movie. The main characters are spoiled New York Central Park zoo animals (lion, zebra, giraffe and a hippo) that due to a series of events end up in the wild for the first time; the wilds of Madagascar. Alex the lion is voiced by Ben Stiller and Marty the zebra by Chris Rock. Soon Alex's wild instincts emerge outside captivity and he starts to see his best pal Marty as potential food. The island's lemur population want's to take advantage of these new big animals to protect them against the carnivorous fossa. But, can they trust this lion beast. Anyway, tis' amusing stuff, but nothing here is really fantastic. 5/10

Jungdok (Addicted)

2006-10-22T20:40:00.000+01:00

Jungdok – 2002

This South Korean film is so slow, and feels a bit like a TV soap drama. It's not a bad film by any means. It's about two very different but close brothers: Dai-jin who loves racing cars and Ho-jin, a talented carpenter and cook. Ho-jin is married to Eun-su, and Dai-jin lives with them. Life seems good until both brothers are involved in horrific car crashes in different places at the same time. Both end up in comas. One year later Dai-jin awakens and upon his return to home with Eun-su he starts acting like Ho-jin and gains Ho-jin's skills, who remains in a deep coma. It then becomes clear that he believes he is Ho-jin, much to Eun-su`'s confusion and pain. Could this be possession? Is Ho-jin controlling Dai-jin from his comatose state? With time and quite some effort Eun-su is convinced Ho-jin is inside Dai-jin's body and their deep love can return leading to a very tame sex scene. The end of the film is really quite emotional, if you stay awake, but stuff does not add up entirely and so I cannot say this film is anywhere near great, but it's alright. Maybe one for the video game avoiding sex. 5.5/10

Bruce Almighty

2006-10-21T20:45:00.000+01:00

Bruce Almighty – 2003

Ahhh it's pretty funny mostly. Sometimes it's not. Canadian Jim Carrey plays Bruce a local news reporter. After a wretched day where everything goes wrong for him Bruce, taken by rage, has a big rant to God. God responds and decides to take a vacation, leaving his powers with Bruce to allow Bruce to relaise how freekin hard a job it is to be God. At first Bruce has himself a time playing with these divine powers to greatly benefit himself. He gets that promotion he always wanted. However, soon he comes to realise that it ain't all that simple. You can't just please everyone.
It's a fun light-hearted film (well the ending gets perhaps too soppy). Carrey is fantastic at times, but annoying at other times.
Jennifer Aniston plays Bruce's girlfriend Grace. Aniston is, in my opinion, one of the most plain and least talented big American actresses out there. She always acts the same. She adds very little to this film. Morgan Freeman is charming as ever playing God. It's worth a look. 5.5/10

The Butterfly Effect

2006-10-15T20:03:00.000+01:00

The Butterfly effect – 2004

I love fucked up dark films! This one keeps your interest from the very start and keeps you thinking to the end. It's a very well thought out film with a fair few surprises.

Young Evan Treborn keeps getting blackouts followed by utter confusion. Something always bad happens during these blackouts; it seems he blocks really bad stuff out. His mum is aware of these complete moments of no memory, but there is no explanation available. By the time Evan is at university it has been 7 years since his last blackout. The blackouts have gone. However, one night when he reads over his journals he has kept writing for so long the missing bits of memory suddenly hit him hard. Soon he discovers he is actually travelling back in time and can alter what really happened during these awful stand out moments in his life. Changing one little thing turns out to have immense effects on the significants around him, and he comes back to a different life. It seems if he helps one friend, another suffers instead.

The characters are brilliant. Ashton Kutcher takes the lead surprisingly well. I did not expect this from him. The dude looks great for this role and does it well. Others notables include Amy Smart (Road Trip, Rat Race) as Kayleigh; William Lee Scott as Tommy and Eldon Henson as Lenny. The child parts of these characters are perfectly cast too with some fine acting. I really enjoyed this film. 8.5/10

Basic Instinct 2

2006-10-13T21:11:00.000+01:00

Basic Instinct 2 – 2006

This film was soooo boring, with a sketchy and unbelievable plot, and you don't even get to see Stone's pubic region at all. Massive reduction in nudity compared to the original (in fact, it does not need an 18 certificate). The few sex scenes are too short. Basic Instinct was a sexy film which you could happily watch with your partner. Not porn or arty, like 9 Songs... just an erotic film and a thriller with some reasonable acting. It was good. Basic Instinct 2 is rubbish. This time it's set in London and the main male victim is Dr Michael Glass (the tall David Morrissey), a psychiatrist who works on and falls prey to Stone's character, the manipulative Catherine Tramell, suspected of murdering a popular football player.

London is looking good and extremely modern, but very fake. Stone's aggressive sexy acting attempts do not carry the same power she flaunted in the original. Just does not seem right. None of the other actors stand out, with the exception of David Thewlis (Detective Washburn). 2/10

Steamboy (Suchîmubôi)

2006-10-07T00:29:00.000+01:00

Steamboy – 2004

This anime (8 years in production) was created by Katsuhiro Ootomo responsible for the brilliant Akira. And if you have seen Akira (9/10) then you will recognise many ideas are recycled into this new film. This film is rich in detail, like Akira. It involves much destruction like Akira – only this time it is London receiving a good pounding rather than Neo-Tokyo. TetssssuuuoooOOOOOOOOOO. Sorry. Like Akira, the story involves powerful weapons; in Steamboy we have great complex machines powered by steam, rather than mass pulsating organic matter. This film is so full of ideas that it seems like too much is crammed into it, like Akira (ya need to read the manga to fully appreciate Akira).

It's set in mid-1850s and the story concerns an extremely powerful invention called a steam ball which can provide immense energy. James Steam is asked to protect the ball by his grandfather, Dr Lloyd, because naturally others will want this device; the bad guys in this film are in fact arms manufacturers and want the ball to further their own greed. James's father Eddie has changed somewhat and joined the bad guys.

Patrick Stewart voices Lloyd with other famous folk like Alfred Molina (Eddie) and X-men's Anna Paquin (James). The English dubbing is pretty damned good for a change. Though I suspect the Japanese still sounds better; especially dramatic shouting, always good.

I can't say the story is amazing, but still the movie is a joy to behold. You will realise soon enough how much effort was squeezed into this film. A great job. 7.5/10

V for Vendetta

2006-10-06T20:51:00.000+01:00

V for Vendetta – 2006

This story is set in the future in a fascist Great Britain. V is a Guy Fawkes-wannabe terrorist or freedom fighter who seeks to bring down the totalitarion Government; he is played by Hugo Weaving (Agent Smith and Elrond in other well-known blockbusters). Natalie Portman takes the role of the pretty Evey who is rescued from a nasty situation by V and eventually becomes heavily involved with V's plans which include blowing up important buildings and killing some cops and important blokes. Evey learns much about herself and V's unusual backgrounds. We also have Detective Finch who also seeks the truth behind this mysterious V troublemaker and starts the doubt the world around him blah blah (this Finch character is so freekin dull). He is played by the Irish actor Stephen Rie. John Hurt plays the tyrannical Chancellor Adam to a high standard as to be expected. The wonderful Stephen Fry supports.
The character V is interesting to watch and the combat scenes with him are indeed cool. There is a fun moment when you see up Evey's skirt = delightful. As for the whole story, I was not that impressed. Maybe it's better if you read/care about the original comics. I can't really explain why this film did not grab me. I really have seen so much better. I don't think it was worth Natalie having her head shaven; she looks amazing with long flowing hair. The Wachowski brothers were involved considerably and I know very well how much bollocks spurts from their 'creative' minds. 4/10

Despite it being shit it seems to have quite the following.

Narc

2006-10-01T20:15:00.000+01:00

Narc – 2002

A gritty and angry film with some amazing acting. Violent, with a tinge of sadness through the eyes of hard men. This has to be in my top ten. 9/10

More detailed review to follow.

Untergang, Der (Downfall)

2006-10-01T14:51:00.000+01:00

Downfall – 2004

A brilliant German film of der Fuhrer, Adolf Hitler's final moments. April 1945, Germany faces inevitable defeat. Hitler is not well and still convinced the war can be won, calling on armies of reserves that simply no longer exist in a working state and talking of bringing back the powerful Luftwaffe (pretty much obliterated by April 1945). He orders his closest generals and political aides to fight to the very last man. We see him appear to give up on Germany, calling his own people weak and thinking what could have been; what great plans he thought he had. Those closest to him do not want to live in a world without National Socialism and without him, and so they kill themselves. Some of his officers are fanatically devoted to him like Joseph Goebbels, others betray him like the powerful and initially most loyal Heinrich Himmler, Albert Speer and Goring. Some are lost and unsure as to what can be done. Some simply turn to alcohol. The actors who play the various officers resemble the real people (check out the photos on wikipedia) so they clearly went to some effort with the casting in this film.
It's a fascinating movie and possibly the only accurate (as possible) telling of what happened in that bunker.
The film realises the war outside the bunker too with effective scenes of fighting in Berlin, where we see brainwashed German children taking up arms and destroying Russian tanks. We see make-shift hospitals full of the wounded and dying.
You may even feel sorry for the Nazi leader especially the scene where he has his beloved dog killed before he himself commits suicide with Eva Braun. Hitler was a great lover of animals, a vegetarian and hated smoking. This film shows the softer side to Hitler (this angered some critics who took it for an attempt to humanise Hitler), but mostly we see the extreme anger and paranoia. Once Hitler is dead the film continues on a while longer to show how the others close to him deal with the defeat and surrender.
Swiss Bruno Ganz plays Hitler in a quite stunning and fascinating performance. The other key character is Traudl Junge played by the pretty Alexandra Maria Lara. Junge was Hitler's last PA and was quite close to him and she appears in the film at the start and finish and takes some of the writing credit. A must see film. 9/10

Severance

2006-10-01T14:22:00.000+01:00

Severance – 2006

A group of workers from a big defence company are sent to Eastern Europe for one of those silly team building weekends. This is a British-made comedy horror involving a bunch of mad and heavily armed killers running around a dense Hungary forest bent on killing our odd bunch of workers. There are certainly some laugh out loud moments, but the first 30 minutes are pretty lame. Sometimes it leaves the comedy arena altogether as the tension and violence mounts, with a sudden and amusingly simple ending. What I very much liked was the American girl (Laura Harris from 24) who makes sure the finally disabled madman is dead by blowing his brains out, or whatever method comes to hand, to make sure he ain't returning. And this is turned into great humour as a good kick to those stupid horror films like Wolf Creek where our main character is so crazed with fear they fail to make sure the big bad guy is actually freekin dead.

The characters are okay and I do recommend it, but don't go out of your way to see this one. It's not brilliant, but it certainly has its worthwhile moments. 5.5/10

The Long Weekend

2006-09-23T22:59:00.000+01:00

The Long Weekend – 2005 again

Not bad. I got more than just a few laughs out of this one. Excellent for a bit of light hearted entertainment on a sunday night before another FRICKIN WEEK OF WORK! Arrrrghhh!

It's about two brothers Ed and Cooper. Ed played by Brendan Fehr is the uptight one and highly career focused. Cooper, Chris Klein, is the party animal. Cooper wants to help Ed chillax more and so the weekend of fun and troubles begins. It's just a fun film. Don't expect much, just get one of your finest lagers and lie back and enjoy what it is. 5.5/10

NB: I think Klein was trying a bit too hard to be like Stifler from American Pie.

Domino

2006-09-23T21:12:00.000+01:00

Domino – 2005

It is seldom when I quit a film halfway. I just could not stand this. I only rented it because it's got lovely Keira (and Lucy baby) in it. Alas, Keira plays a boring, obnoxious, uncomplicated and unlikable character. I found myself wishing a horrible shotgun death on her Domino character after about 30 minutes of viewing. Was the real Domino Harvey like this? Do I care? In conclusion Keira makes for a shite bad girl. Maybe I'm just saying this because I loved her performance in Pride and Prejudice and like her loads in interviews and can't stand to see her in a role like this, but she simply could not pull it off in a convincing manner.

I really hated the part where she does a lap dance to get them out of a tricky situation with randam gangbangers. Really really really stupid and unbelievable and the worst directing of a lap dance scene ever in film history.

Also the editing, camera movements and style is not to my taste. People on IMDb user reviews use words like 'stylistic' and 'postmodern masterpiece'. Fuck that for a dollar. It's tiny cat cock and no doubt about it. That fancy editing just makes it chaotic and frustrating to watch, especially with the shitty soundtrack.

Finally I admit what really defeated me was the soundtrack. It really stinked. I might just have forced myself to finish it otherwise. 1/10

The Constant Gardener

2006-09-17T16:59:00.001+01:00

The Constant Gardener – 2005

An intelligent political thriller. Low level British diplomat Justin Quayle's activist wife, Tessa, is murdered in remote Kenya. The normally unambitious Quayle believes something is amiss and knows his wife was keeping important things from him. He decides to step completely out of character and use his position to investigate the murder himself. Justin learns a lot more about his wife in the process and comes to realise what an amazing person she was and why she was keeping certain information away from him, and he then seeks to expose an evil truth in her memory.

Firstly this film is about love and remorse; secondly it is about high level corruption in a British High Commission also involving pharmaceutical corporations. It is a very good and involved film. Ralph Fiennes plays Justin and Rachel Weisz is the outspoken Tessa. They both portray the characters from this story (a novel by John le Carre) with total skill and devotion. I especially like Fiennes, who manages to hold the audience throughout. There is just something about him.

The director is Brazilian Fernando Meirelles (City of God) who has clearly made a stunning film. Wonderful cinematography. 8.5/10

Flightplan

2006-09-16T17:01:00.000+01:00

Flightplan – 2005

You know that great feeling when a twist works in a film, and you think back through the film and realise how it all makes sense now. It all fits in place. Well this film tries a new approach; lets have a twist but when you think back it's actually all implausible and absolutely ridiculous. Flightplan is stupid. The plan is stupid and is dependent on so many unlikely to happen factors.
The plot is awful, but Jodie Foster is amazing to watch, and she is looking good... swiiing. She is one of the best actresses in the whole freekin world. If you can block out the flaws in the plot then just watching Jodie will appease you greatly. Shame she chose this one though, because she is usally great at choosing good scripts. Jodie is also a fantastically interesting person outside film. I meet her for coffee occasionally. That's a lie. We meet for tea. Nah... never met her. She is fluent in French and Italian which makes her even more swiiing.
Sean Bean is also in this too playing a good guy for once in films. He is the British pilot of the highly impressive plane upon which nearly all this film takes place.
The plot involves a woman who is flying her dead husband's body back to the USA from Berlin. She brings her six year old daughter on board, but a few hours into the flight her daughter goes missing. Where can she freekin be hiding on a freekin plane, though it's a big plane. No other passengers claim to have seen her daughter at all. Is she going crazy? Sooo yeah 5/10

King Kong

2006-09-09T09:57:00.000+01:00

King Kong – 2005

A spectacular production brimming with special effects from the Lord of the Rings Weta team. It's about a film maker eager to record the amazing and so him and his crew head off to the mysterious and unmapped Skull Island. They meet the savage and primitive natives who kill one of the crew and capture the main star Ann Darrow (beautiful Kent born Naomi Watts). The primitives then offer Ann to the Kong as a sacrifice. The crew begin a rescue mission to save her. The savage primitive ugly folk (acting just like orcs really) vanish from the film/script once the ship's crew appear with guns. Kong gets Ann and ends up quite liking her and wanting to protect her from frickin everything. She becomes very fond of him too. Kong is clearly king of the jungle as he kicks multiple T-rex ass: these scenes are bloody brilliant. Stuff happens that leads to the capture of Kong and his return to New York making all involved rich. However, Kong escapes and searches for his blondie babe and climbs a tall building, smashes some planes, takes too many bullets and falls to death. The end. Only it's done beautifully well thanks to Peter and Fran and others. Some nice comedy touches too throughout the film.

The film also stars Jack Black as the ambitious film maker Carl Denham. Adrien Brody is Ann's love interest and writer Jack Driscoll. It's a long and fun adventure with an ineluctable ending... unless ya turn it off near the end to avoid sobbing. 6.5/10

Condemned: Criminal Origins

2006-09-03T18:30:00.000+01:00

Condemned XBOX 360 – 2005

This game is awesome. I just finished it. I would say the melee combat system is just as good, maybe slightly better than Elder Scrolls: Oblivion. You feel the hits and the impact; you see the blood splash and stain your weapon; the sounds of contact are powerful and the violent screams intense – all things Oblivion boasted about with its real-time melee combat system but turned out not that impressive after so many hours of gameplay. Blocking is more solid too than Oblivion and somewhat more challenging. In conclusion combat is very satisfying, especially after a bad day at work. It's not just about cracking moderate AI skulls, you also get to search for evidence with special equipment.
The story is a little confusing and fucked up but you can't help but be absorbed. You play Ethan Thomas (voiced perfectly by Greg Grunberg), an investigator in the FBI's Serial Crimes Unit (SCU). He is set up for the murder of two police officers by Serial Killer X who has been using him to get access to other serial killers. There has been a highly significant increase in violent crimes and, oddly, a large increase in bird deaths in the same areas. At the end of the game, much remains unanswered and let's hope there is a sequel. Unlocking the reports helps explain stuff a little if ye can find all those metal pieces.

The environments are very detailed and highly atmospheric with occasional disturbing flashbacks and images affecting your character, Ethan. You will hear heavy breathing and objects being knocked to the floor by hidden crazy enemies. (I bet it's amazing with the supported 5.1 surround-sound.) You will be drawn in and most certainly scared if you lose yourself in the deep dark places you must wonder. There is a wide choice of weapons, both melee, such as pipes and crowbars, and guns. Also a cool taser for your pleasure – actually it's a fucking life-saver. There are plenty of achievements to unlock too.
Not for the weak-hearted and those that hate video game violence stay away! However, the people you are killing are crazed maniacs or deformed half-dead things so it's cool. Not like that gun-glorifying gangsta lifestyle Saints Row shit. This is an excellent game well worth the time and effort to complete. 7/10

The Virgin Queen (TV Drama)

2006-09-03T15:00:00.000+01:00

The Virgin Queen – 2005

The very talented Anne-Marie Duff plays Elizabeth through her fascinating 45 year reign in this 4 part TV production (each part a different section of her life). I think this one pissed off the historians too.

It's clear they spent so much money on the astonishing and large costumes from the rather crap action scenes – minimal spending here despite a couple of opportunities for some small battle scenes. A brief battle scene in the fourth episode involves some blurring and camera shaking and was ultimately deemed crap by my good self. Some may claim it is an artistic effect but it looks rubbsih and was just budget management. But this drama is about the person, Elizabeth and it does her well.

Robert Dudley, 1st Earl of Leicester and Elizabeth's long time love interest, is played by Tom Hardy. At first I was not sure about him, but he grows on you as the series continues. In the end I think he did a damn fine job. William Cecil was Elizabeth's chief advisor for most of her reign and is performed very well by Ian Hart. Emila Fox plays Amy Dudley, she also appeared in Henry VIII (reviewed below) as Jane Seymour. Also watch out for Hans Metheson who does an excellent job as Robert Devereux – Earl of Essex. I won't go into too much detail because if I start digging into the history too much then this will turn into an essay.

I've selected Elizabeth I (Channel 4 production with Helen Mirren and Jeremy Irons) for rent with Screenselect which is supposed to be better, and the film with the lovely Cate Blanchett which might also be better. The reviews will be posted here, cus I just know a thousand people out there eagerly await my posts...ahahhah...ahahhahahaha! AHHAHAHAHA!

If you have not already then I seriously recommend reading further into Elizabeth's long and detailed reign, and this production and others may induce you to do so. This is a good production and well worth a watch. It can be a little difficult to follow at times, or maybe I'm just a bit thick at times. 6.5/10

Henry VIII (TV Drama)

2006-09-01T20:03:00.000+01:00

Henry VIII – 2003

This expensive TV production is not one for the historians, because it is massively inaccurate. Don't watch it with one of those art student types because they will tear it apart showing off their wide knowledge and annoy the very fuck out of you. I love reading history books, but I also love great tv drama and so completely forgive the inaccuracies... Haaaaah! So yeah, Henry is played by Ray Winstone who does not exactly try too hard to hide his cockney accent, but this adds to the toughness of King Henry which I liked. The only bit I did not like was the scene when he is getting drunk with his men and Robert Aske of York (Bean) – they seem like a bunch of modern day rowdy football fans, cept' the costumes. And by the Gods the costumes are great!

The supporting cast are awesome: Sean Bean, Helena Bonham Carter (Anne Boleyn), Charles Dance, Emilia Fox (Jane Seymour), David Suchet. All do a superb job.

As you would expect a lot of people get executed, usually by the axe man aka headsman (There is a rather nasty scene with a young first time axe man – he misses the general neck area more than once.) but for those that really piss off the king or harm England: a nice slow burning. The wives of Henry probably indeed had a lot of power over him, but two of them got themselves executed at his order so they clearly had to tread carefully. It truly is fascinating. We learn of the young Elizabeth and Mary. We learn of the short-lived Edward – Henry's only son, who never reached adulthood. We learn how religious England once was and the Dissolution of the Monasteries. Despite its inaccuracies, I think this TV film will get you buying history books to delve deeper into this fascinating period of England's history. Just one of many. The inspiring music and wonderful locations improve it all further. I completely enjoyed this production. 9/10 yes 9...Haaaah! Take that all pedantic art students!

Scary Movie 4

2006-09-01T12:06:00.000+01:00

Scary Movie 4 – 2006

The story is random bollocks spoofing The Village, Brokeback Mountain, War of the Worlds, The Grudge and others. This film will definitely make you laugh, especially the Tom Cruise piss-take at the end. Leslie Nielsen adds some much needed quality as the President. This franchise would appear to still be successful, however if you paid money to watch these films at the cinema ya may have had that hollow feeling that you just wasted it. One to rent online methinks. Anna Faris (also seen in Lost in Translation and Brokeback Mountain) is sweet. 3.5/10

God of Cookery 食神

2006-08-25T14:41:00.000+01:00

God of Cookery (Sik San) – 1996

If, like me, you mucho enjoyed Kung Fu Hustle (a sequel has been announced by the way) and Shaolin Soccer, then you may have sought out other Stephen Chow films and hopefully you should have come across this little gem, to be sure me hearties. Tis' a delight and almost as funny as the aforementioned kingly two. This one also enjoys turning the mundane into some kind of martial arts. Yes these chefs kick ass and use super-human arts to cook great noodle.

Chow plays the God of Cookery, only it soon turns out he is in fact a fake, as revealed by a rival and jealous chef Bull Tong (Vincent Kok). The only way he can get back this huge fame is to actually become a super cook. This film is full of silly and fun humour: a guy called Wet Dream, pissing beef balls etc.

The beautiful (normally) Karen Mok plays Turkey who, along with Goosehead, join forces with Chow's character to form a new business selling delicious Pissing Beef Balls... yes they piss, and helping Chow to become a great chef again. Most recommended. 6.5/10

Serenity

2006-08-19T21:48:00.000+01:00

Serenity – 2005

River Tam (Summer Glau).... swiiing. After seeing this great film, I shall be trying to watch the quickly cancelled tv series it sprang from, called Firefly. Joss Whedon wrote it, the guy that brought us the Buffy and Angel TV shows as well (oh and the 4th alien film which was shitty forsooth). Having not seen the original Firefly series I found this film a little difficult to get into and the characters a longer time to actually warm too. Also includes: some brilliant action sequences, nifty camera work and a darn good story too.

It's about a crew of space pirates/mercenaries/traders/whatever (almost Cowboy Bebop-like) living on the edge of civilised Alliance space. They are protecting their doctor's sister, River, who has been turned into some kind of human weapon by Alliance scientists. However protecting her is making it harder to get jobs, so the crew is getting restless and hungry. River is telepathic and picked up secrets the Alliance wants kept hidden and so an assassin is hired to take her out and keep those secrets safe. Luckily for the Alliance River is not quite right in the head and probably does not even grasp what she knows, which buys the assassin time. Chiwetel Ejiofor plays the assassin wonderfully. Nathan Fillion provides an intriguing Captain Mal. Much is revealed and much is good to watch. 7/10

Train Man 電車男

2006-08-18T18:17:00.000+01:00

Train Man (densha otoko) – 2005

This is a sweet Japanese film. It's an unrealistic romance about a otaku guy who hides away from face to face contact with people preferring the world of internet chat rooms, comics, video games and collectable figurines. He meets a mature career-focused rich girl on the train after weakly trying to stop a drunken salary man hassling her. He seeks advice from other Japanese friends in an internet chat room community about this girl he wants to get to know. She is very happy that he acted rather than just trying to ignore the situation like everyone else on the busy train and so sends him a present; some expensive tea cups. He then attempts to change himself in order to be her boyfriend. An epic process, but no matter how good he can look he cannot beat his simple fear of talking to her properly and with confidence.

The actor playing Train Man, Takayuki Yamada, is actually quite good looking but plays an awkward otaku with no fashion sense very well, though perhaps sometimes Train Man gets a bit too weird and ya just want him to get a freaking grip on everything.

What I love about this film is we get brief looks into the lives of the other chat room members, which proves quite interesting. The ending is admirable. 7/10

The Island

2006-08-17T21:18:00.000+01:00

The Island – 2005

Sean Bean playing a bad guy... whoooo yeah! He does it damn well too. Anyway the story: A young man called Lincoln Six Echo is living in a contained Eutopia it seems. After some kind of nuclear war survivors just like him await their chance to get transferred to the island; the last habitable place left on Earth. It soon becomes apparent all is not right and Lincoln Six Echo develops beyond his design – yep you guessed it from his name he is a robot...nah fuck that he is a clone. Cloned for the very purpose of helping his owner live longer. Rich people invest in clones of themselves for spare parts and even babies. These clones/insurance live in a secure hidden facility and are kept in perfect health. The Island is a lie and much is kept from the clones and the customers/owners, in fact. With his friend, Jordon Two Delta (Scarlett Johansson) Lincoln escapes the facility causing great trouble for all involved climaxing in fucked off Bean – playing Merrick, head of the facility.

The child-like Lincoln Six Echo exploring the outside world is played brilliantly by Ewan Macgregor, who must also play the customer Tom Lincoln (an even better performance by the Scot, possibly even just playing himself). Steve Buscemi, Michael Clarke Duncan, Ethan Phillips (Neelix from Star Trek Voyager) and Djimon Hounsou provide great supporting roles.

It's a entertaining film but a little annoying in places as these two highly vunerable escapees survive the impossible like a great fall that conveniently results in them landing in some random net. But it will never fuck me off as much as the utter shite Anakin pulled off at the end of the Phantom Menace. The Island is an entertaining romp. 6/10

Lady Vengeance

2006-08-17T18:50:00.000+01:00

Lady Vengeance – 2005

The third film in this excellent trilogy of revenge stories. I find myself bothered at just how violent and depressing these films have been, but somehow I end up shrugging it off and thinking shit on me these Korean folk make good film. Still, I would say this is the weakest of the three, but it has a very very interesting and thought-provoking ending. The film is directed and written by Chan-wook Park who also made Sympathy for Mr Vengeance and Oldboy. I will sit down and watch all 3 again in the future because they definitely deserve a second viewing. 6.5/10

Prey

2006-07-27T20:43:00.000+01:00

Prey XBOX 360 – 2006

The story: You play a Cherokee Indian mechanic who is protecting his hot girlfriend from local scumballs in her bar when aliens reveal themselves to the world in order to harvest/horribly kill all the humans for necessary protein requirements. So Tommy gets zapped up and has to explore this huge and quite amazing ship (with humans being slaughtered and experimented on everywhere). Later, with the aid of his grandfather, he gains a spirit walking ability adding further scope to the game.

I would not agree with people saying it's too short. However, it is far too easy. Those rapidly gained achievements count for nothing. Even the puzzles are too easy. It's full of absolutely stunning design, clever ideas and the story rolls along pretty fine, but that never makes up for it being so damned easy. It's easy because you can't really die, and never have to start sections again. When you die, you just play this stupidly easy mini game in order to get back all your health and return back to your exact last known location with the enemies you have already almost killed. COD-style check points are the best for console games and Prey 2 better make it so. I hope it was not this easy in order to entice the gamer score-whores into buying it regardless. The multiplayer is seriously lagging and ill-balanced. Get the rockets and you win. It has some damn fine potential, but it needs patching.

Some good points are it is worth playing though the story, experiencing the original concepts throughout and Tommy says some pretty funny and cool stuff. The guns will certainly entertain for a while. The one vehicle you get to ride is actually utter horse shit. 6.5/10

Lost

2006-07-27T20:11:00.000+01:00

Lost Season 1 and most of 2 (SPOILERS)

I watched season 1 via DVD bliss – episode after episode... relentless intrigue. Season 2 comes to me via Channel 4, with oh so many freakin adverts! Agggh. It's a good show, so very far from perfect, but still excellent entertainment. I'm just past halfway through season 2. You can't help but feel that there is a strong making it up as we go along element. I don't care as long as they keep coming up with good stuff. I presume they have a strong framework holding it all together somehow. One slightly annoying guy on the extras excitedly talks of how this show is gonna have a high turnover, and that they will kill off anyone whenever they need too; they will pull no strings. So far they have killed off Shannon and Boone – two of the most uninteresting characters. So they are clearly playing it carefully. Nah...kill off a key member like the Doctor or Sawyer or Kate. Or maybe kill all 3 off in one episode!

I do recommend it to everyone, even old people. There are still so many things that remain unanswered. Polar bears and Kate's horse being just two of many. Maybe they won't bother tidying it all up in the end. Complements: the acting is satisfying and occasionally pretty outstanding. Most of the characters are riveting and yet flawed in some way to grab our interest more so. The guest support is good: look out for Clancy Brown and Mira Furlan (Babylon 5's Delenn). 7.5/10

Azumi あずみ

2006-07-23T20:09:00.000+01:00

Azumi – 2003

I'm back! After so long without watching a film I am back! In fact, this film, Azumi, I watched many long days ago, but have been far to lazy to write my review. But, by God, I will pointlessly review every film I watch... oh yes I will. It's this thing, this thing I must do. Now Azumi is pretty good. It is a bit more than your standard samurai/ninja/bandits/assassins Tokugawa-era Japanese fighting type flick. Yes it includes all those infinitely cool character types but includes some thoughful and emotional moments too and a worthy story. Ahhh shit I don't remember it so clearly now. I really should have reviewed it shortly after watching it. Anyway, the main character is a female assassin-warrior played by Aya Ueto (very nice smile that you won't see much in the actual film because she is too busy hacking enemies up or being forlorn – see the extras on the DVD for girly smile) extremely well. The main villian is created brilliantly by Joe Odagiri (see Shinobi too). This effeminate and totally insane bad guy could be the most fucked up I have seen in some time.

The first section of the film is quite heart wrenching (and some later parts). After the battle of Sekigahara 10 young, close and happy warriors are brought up, by a master in martial arts and war, to be great assassins in order to bring down all potential peace-destroyers; the warlords keen on bringing down the current shogunate. The master's first real test requires that the 10 become 5. To be true cold-blooded assassins they must pair off and kill their best friends in a fight to the death. The survivors must then hunt down and ruthlessly kill the enemy warlords. Go watch... now. 7.5/10

Saw II – nudity, sex, upskirt, me naked, tits, sex, porn

2006-06-11T17:26:00.000+01:00

Saw II – 2005

Blllauuuuragghhhhh! That was me vomiting and bleeding from my ears at how shite this film was. Saw was a good film with a brilliant twist and they should have just let it be, shoving any potential sequel scripts up nearby arseholes. I admit I had a tiny amount of hope for this film, but, alas, it was not to be. It can join the junk pile of shitty sequels. None of the characters were likeable or cool (the original had excellent characters) and their deaths affect the viewer in no way, well cept' the boring and naff violence. There is a twist but it's like... er ok then (rather than FUCK me he was there all along...ahahhahaha...fantastic! etc) and allows them to keep dragging this idea until it withers to nothing. Unbelievably they are making Saw III with Tobin Bell as Jigsaw on board... still dying. 3/10

Resident Evil: Apocalypse

2006-06-09T18:53:00.000+01:00

Resident Evil: Apolcalypse

What a bunch of crap. Milla should have shoved this script up her highly attractive arse. This has nothing on the first film. It's boring and wholly unoriginal in its entirety. More zombies all over the city... cept' easier to fight now. And some stupid big mutant thing, that used to be Matt from the first film, stomps around firing his rocket launcher. This is the perfect example of a shite video game film. Paul Anderson has much less talent than I thought. Money-grabbing bollocks. 2/10

Resident Evil

2006-06-04T23:53:00.000+01:00

Resident Evil – 2002

I admit I ignored this whole Capcom franchise until now (tend to avoid video game films), but I'm glad I did not die without seeing this film. It's a whole bag of no-brainer fun and with that always good movie material: zombies... lots of zombies. This film never holds back and is certainly not for the light-hearted. Milla Jovovich plays the lead Alice and she is possibly the best film action heroine since Ellen Ripley. And she is dressed to kill. I first saw the Russian speaking exceedingly attractive Milla in The Fifth Element and thought... nice. Another exciting lady is Michelle Rodriguez (currently in the awesome Lost tv series and does a marine voice in Halo 2) who provides tough gal support. Lots of folks die gory deaths (loved the laser bit) and it's all very fun.

The guy that wrote and directed this film is Brit Paul W.S. Anderson responsible for Event Horizen and Alien Vs Predator – two unexpectedly good films. This guy has talent. 7/10

Shadowlands

2006-06-04T00:18:00.000+01:00

Shadowlands – 1993

I watched this a month ago, but have just got around to reviewing it here. It's a wonderful film probably most suitable for middle aged ladies, but all can appreciate I hope. The always watchable Anthony Hopkins plays CS Lewis – the converted christian author of the Narnia books and good friend of Tolkien. In some ways it is similar to the equally good Depp film: Finding Neverland. It's the story of his romance with an American lady (Debra Winger) who greatly admires his work. It's extremely touching and very English with plenty of tea drinking and such. 8/10

Phone Booth

2006-06-03T23:59:00.000+01:00

Phone Booth – 2002

I don't like Colin Farrell. Don't much like Joel 'Batman Fucker' Schumacher (well ok I loved Falling Down). So I was not too excited about this, but the idea interested me. It's ok. I admit it is tense stuff mostly. The ending is a massive come down. It builds up so much to well... not a lot... maybe a fucking sequel I guess. More people should have been shot, especially those annoying chattering hookers. Ahahahahahha. The supporting cast is not great and I already wrote I don't like Colin Farrell. The music makes me wanna scream blood. Otherwise, it's alright. 5/10

When the Wind Blows

2006-05-31T22:46:00.000+01:00

When the Wind Blows – 1986

Having seen Grave of the Fireflies, it would seem animation is the best way to tell a moving story. This one is based on a Raymond Briggs graphic novel about an old British couple, Jim (Sir John Mills does the voice) and Hilda. They are preparing for a rather sudden WW3 (between America and Russia) but not really understanding that this is nothing like the heavily referenced in this film WW2, but rather it's a nuclear world war. They survive the blast and experience the fallout, not quite grasping it and holding onto to the belief that the Government has everything under control and that help will arrive to their small country home. In reality it would seem most are dead and the Government has gone. We watch them slowly succumb to the poisoness air, thick with dust with light-hearted conversation and quite beautiful animation sequences into their pasts and thoughts. Everyone should watch this film.

The music is especially good, provided by David Bowie. Not surprisingly the director is a Japanese – Jimmy Murakami. 9/10

Shinobi 忍び

2006-05-31T12:19:00.000+01:00

Shinobi – 2005

The film is about two hidden away ninja clans who live deep in the mountains with a long history of enmity. Recently there has been peace, until Ogen the leader of the Iga clan and Danjo the leader of the Koga clan are called to meet with Nankobo of the Tokugawa leadership. Nankobo is greatly concerned about these powerful ninja clans out of control hidden away in the mountains. He manipulates the situation in the hope that the clans will destroy each other by pitting their greatest warriors together in battle. Then he can obliterate the vunerable ninja villages with his army, once the best warriors lay slain. Each clan must put forward 5 of their best shinobi and join in battle to the death. The 10 warriors seem like they have been plucked from a beat-em-up video game and are all very cool leading to some fantastic fighting scenes.
A nice little touch is that the leaders of these two selected warrior groups, Oboro and Gennosuke, have prior to the battle secretly fallen for each other resulting in a conflicting and effective love story alongside the battles.
This is one brilliant piece of Japanese coolness and well worth watching all the way through to the inevitable conclusion. 8.5/10

Why Elder Scrolls Oblivion is simply great

2006-05-28T14:47:00.000+01:00

A History of Violence

2006-05-26T22:52:00.000+01:00

A History of Violence – 2005

Just like Road to Perdition and Sin City this story is taken from a graphic novel, and just like those two films it's pretty damn good and exceedingly violent. The good-looking (possibly the Danish in him) Viggo 'Aragorn' Mortensen plays the protagonist with cold steel. The guy is bloody excellent. The only other film I have seen him in, apart from that little trilogy he took part in, is A Perfect Murder and he was certainly not bad in that. Ed Harris plays Fogarty. Harris is always good in a supporting role. It's about a quiet small town man, Tom Stall, who runs a diner. One evening some pretty nasty criminals show up and cause some serious disturbance and so Tom shoots those fuckers dead with their own guns. Hence massive media interest, much to the Stall family's discomfort. Then history and violence come knocking in the form of Fogarty who is sure he knows Tom, after recognising him from the news stories. An interesting film and highly recommended. 8/10

Hero 英雄

2006-05-21T20:35:00.000+01:00

Hero – 2002

Yeah, whoooo... I love this stuff. Some people get really pissed off with all the unrealistic flying around (and sometimes it is painfully obvious they are on strings) and the impossible defensive fighting, but ya gotta forget about it and treat the film like the art it is. Beautiful epic scenery and colours. Exquisite costumes. Clever story. And on top of that top-notch fight scenes and characters with style.

Jet Li in a role he was born to play is first-rate (I'll forgive hime for being the main star of that dripping gob shite Romeo Must Die). The deliciously clear skinned Ziyi Zhang is reasonable as Moon, but is surpassed by the wonderful Lux shampoo Maggie Cheung (actually European, growing up in Kent). In conclusion this is great entertainment, and better than Flying Daggers in my opinion. 7.5/10

Big Fish

2006-05-12T15:28:00.000+01:00

Big Fish – 2003

This classic Tim Burton material forms into an exceedingly good film. It's about Edward Bloom, a dying father who embellishes his life story through myth and legend. His son (Billy Crudup) is annoyed because he believes he does not truly know his father, who cannot speak the straight truth, and as death approaches the son must seek some kind of answer to his father's obsessive story-telling behaviour. The flashbacks are colourful stories with fantastic characters and touching moments. The young Bloom is played by Ewan McGregor; the man who will play anyone, act almost anything. Brit Albert Finney creates a moving older Bloom, and you can see how he believes the stories he tells to be fact.

Steve Buscemi is outstanding as Norther Winslow, the poet. One of my fave ladies: Helena Bonham Carter features too as two different characters. The ending is quite wonderful. 7/10

Sadly the guy who played Karl the Giant died young of natural causes in late 2005. He was 7' 6" tall.

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy

2006-04-29T14:34:00.000+01:00

Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy – 2004

This film is set in a 1970s male dominated newsroom and life is easy and full of success for its anchorman Ron Burgundy, until an ambitious young women (Christina Applegate) comes along to join the team. Will Ferrell is incredibly and stupidly funny as Ron, providing frequent laughs. Expect a few very welcome cameos too. It's great fun. 7/10

Hostel

2006-04-29T00:25:00.000+01:00

Hostel – 2005

Eli Roth, you are a sick sick man. This little number is about a bunch of Americans travelling around Europe. They get a tip to visit a hostel somewhere in Slovakia where bountiful breasty wenches await their throbbing members. It starts off like their dream is coming true, but then it gets all... well sick but shamefully entertaining and gripping. However, this ain't like horror films such as Wolf Creek because in that film you cared about the characters more so, whereas in this you don't really care much for the American backpackers in search of easy sex galore, and so when they start to bleed it's not so horrid. The violence is extreme, but comical in a way and the film is obviously not taking itself seriously. The ending is very satisfying... one of the most satisfying moments in cinema history perhaps. Recommended if you can take it. 6/10

The Sun

2006-04-09T15:37:00.000+01:00

The Sun – 2005

Some part of me believes this Russian/European film about the Japanese Emporer Hirohito during the end of WW2 to be a work of art. However, it is also the slowest film in the history of the world. We get to watch Emperor Hirohito (the absolutely brilliant Issei Ogata) carry out his daily tasks in immense detail. The film goes into Hirohito's love of marine biology, his relationship/meetings with General MacArthur and the rejection of divine status. Only for those deeply interested in Japanese history. 6/10

Click this link for a detailed and worthy review:

http://www.channel4.com/film/reviews/film.jsp?id=149431&page=1

Spider Man 2

2006-04-09T14:57:00.000+01:00

Spider Man 2 – 2004

Ahhh the life troubles of Peter Parker as he struggles to maintain a normal life and deal with new enemies: this time we have Dr Octopus, a somewhat more entertaining villian than the Green Goblin. Firstly, I have to write that Tobey Maguire is indeed the perfect choice. I can imagine Stan Lee being most happy with this guy (you will need to be quick to spot Lee's appearance in this film). Maguire is outstanding as Peter; he is just so different from other young male actors out there and truly makes you feel for the character. A wonderful performance. Dunst is mighty fine as the sweet MJ (with great legs to boot). We get some more depth this time round for MJ. John Simmons is superb as the notorious J. Jonah Jameson, and here you need to be quick to catch all the great lines that spout from Jonah's mouth. Finally Dr. Otto Octavius, played by Brit Alfred Molina (who will play Bishop Aringarosa in upcoming The DaVinci Code film), is worth mentioning for yet another excellent performance for this film's quality bank. Simply great casting.

The special effects are amazing; I sat in awe watching the fight scenes between Spider Man and Dr. Octopus. Spider Man 3 is in production and it will feature Venom/Eddie Brock. Very cool. 7.5/10

R-Point

2006-04-09T14:28:00.000+01:00

R-Point – 2004

In 1972, during the Vietnam War, a group of 9 Korean soldiers go to an island called R-Point to search for some previous Korean soldiers who never returned. There is a ghostly girl and some Americans (some cheapo actors in this case) who may also be ghosts... I was not totally following some aspects of the film due to a lack of captivation – the film did not enthuse me to replay scenes to improve understanding. Essentially, they all go insane and it really is not very good. The ending is almost worth the dragged out start and middle.

The film looks impressive and like Brotherhood (reviewed below) shows the capability of South Korean cinema. The atmosphere is well created. The soldiers seemed rather soft; maybe they were not exactly supposed to be a crack team, just some low level soldiers for an unimportant mission. Woo-seong Kam was notable as Lt Choi. 5/10

Tokyo Raiders 東京攻略

2006-03-30T12:39:00.000+01:00

Tokyo Raiders – 2000

Starts off well. Some fun moments involving golf clubs and a computer mouse. Lin's cutie girls are nice. A good looking cast who provide superior style. The plot is boring and the twists unable to impress. I'm getting weary already of cop and gangster films where guys in suits run around every now and again, doing flying kicks and shit. A big nothing special. 3/10

Tae Guk Gi: The Brotherhood of War

2006-03-30T12:33:00.000+01:00

Tae Guk Gi: The Brotherhood of War – 2004

The fictional story of two brothers, Jin-Seok and Jin-Tae (Dong-Kun Jang), forced to fight for their country during the Korean War (1950-53). A war often overlooked, but actually it involved quite a few countries. The Chinese and Russians supported the Communist North, while the US, UK and others supported the South. The UN was used as a shield to avoid a declaration of war by the US and others. This war was known for its atrocities: many civilians/prisoners were killed by communist forces and southern forces.
Jin-Tae becomes obsessed with gaining renown and medals in order to gain the right to have his beloved brother sent home to their struggling family. He becomes over-protective, and then as the film gets deeper Jin-Tae becomes warped by war, and a new obsession begins. The brothers aspect of the story is very good, but the many battle scenes offer little we have not seen before; pretty much a standard war film. However, this film was highly successful in South Korea and is definitely worth a look. 6.5/10

Wolf Creek

2006-03-24T12:33:00.000Z

Wolf Creek – 2005

Another shocking horror film with the standard you had such a good chance to kill him right then moment. But, I know, if I was in a similar situation fear would dictate my actions rendering me useless when it comes to making sure the madman is dead. NO frickin way! I would crush that man's head to mush with anything remotely heavy, while he is down/unconscious, to ensure my own continuation.
It's a gripping film set in the Outback of Australia where we follow three friends on a road trip who fall into the cruel hands of Mick Taylor – an extremely memorable performance by an Australian actor called John Jarratt. What makes this film extra horrid is that you really get to know and like the characters before the blood spills. The directing is impressive. The location is well chosen, with some damn nice shots. The tension and desperation just about perfect. It is sort of based on true events, but no individual event is specified. Be warned the violence pretty much crosses a line. 6.5/10

Ben: I think it'd be cool, you get to go from place to place saying things like 'that's not a knife - this is a knife'.

The Jacket

2006-03-18T15:57:00.000Z

The Jacket – 2005

I have noticed I am being very generous with my review ratings. I should be more harsh, but then I realised I have this amazing almost super-human ability to find the good films. I only ever buy great films, renting them first to check if they are worthy of my hard-earned green. In conclusion, I'm great.

This is a great film. It's about a Gulf War veteran who has returned to America with amnesia, after being shot in the head by a child. He ends up getting arrested for a murder he never carried out and placed in an asylum. He receives unusual experimental treatment that gives him lucid visions of the future, where he meets a pretty but run-down girl played by Keira Knightley (lovely small boobs which you get to see... whoooo yeah... one for the team!). It would seem these visions are really him transporting into the future in some way but don't let that bother you – just enjoy the God damn film, dammit. He also finds out from these visions that he is gonna die within a few days back in the asylum, and he must try to discover why. The plot is engrossing, constantly revealing more. I loved the atmosphere supported by good music and the use of colours. The directing is flawless.

The lead is played by Adrien Brody. I've seen him in The Pianist and The Village. I really warmed to him in the former, and this fine performance elevates him to the top of my list of fave actors. He really shows his character's struggle to keep a check on reality and the effects of amnesia and claustrophobia.

Keira did a fine job too with a completely convincing American accent and lovely boobs... sorry. Seriously, though, I do think she has a lot of potential. I hope she steers away from too much mainstream stuff where she will not be given the chance to show what she is capable of. Ya know, when she got naked in The Hole... she was just 16!

Look out for Daniel Craig who plays a crazy guy at the asylum. I did not recognise him at first. Kris Kristofferson (Dr Becker) and Jennifer Jason Leigh (Dr Lorenson) are notable too. 7/10 dammit.

The Killing Fields

2006-03-17T16:51:00.001Z

The Killing Fields – 1984

In my continuing quest to learn the whole history of the World I deliberately rented this film which I hoped would give some insight into Cambodia. It did. This film can be slow and dull especially if, like most people, you know nothing of Cambodia. This film becomes that more amazing when you realise one of the leads, Haing S. Ngor, has lead a similar life to the character (Dith Pran) he portrays very well in this film.

The Cambodian Civil War was something beyond belief. Its origin lies with the Viet Cong who were being pushed deeper into Cambodia, by American and Southern Vietnamese forces. The Americans simply continued their bombing campaign inside Cambodia. The leader of Cambodia, Prince Sihanouk, did little in the interest of neutrality. The Viet Cong and the extreme, xenophobic and Maoist Khmer Rouge group (one of the most violent regimes of the 20th century) in Cambodia joined forces. Soon, an American-supported coup took place removing Sihanouk. A new leader (Nol), pro-Western and against Communism, was able to take action against the Khmer Rouge resulting in the civil war. Prince Sihanouk joined with the Khmer Rouge, already supported by North Vietnam and China. In 1975, the Khmer Rouge eventually captured the capital Phnom Penh and Nol fled. Nol had failed, even with American support. The Khmer Rouge Communist regime, under Pol Pot, went on to perform atrocious acts including the Killing Fields. Many were killed, especially those showing intelligence like doctors and teachers. Hospitals and schools were closed. Banking, religion and private property abolished. Almost 2 million died because of their insane ideology.

The film is about an American Journalist Sydney Schanberg and his Cambodian assistant Dith Pran who are covering the civil war. When most the Americans leave, Dith Pran manages to send his family to America but stays with the Sydney due to friendship. But Sydney is also finally forced to leave as the country is closed up by the Khmer Rouge and Pran must stay, much to Sydney's dismay. We then see the horror through Pran's eyes as he tries his best to survive, so that he can see his family again and his good friend Sydney in America. John Malkovich has a part in this, which is interesting because he also starred in Empire of the Sun, another East Asian-based historical movie. A shocking and interesting film, but a demanding watch. 7/10

Most depressingly, the actor who played Pran was shot dead in his home in the US by some scumbag street gang. They wanted his locket containing a picture of his wife. It is thought he refused and died for it. During the civil war he hid the fact he was a doctor to survive. He survived through hell, just to be shot dead by kids in 1996.

"Here, only the silent survive"

Rurôni Kenshin: Ishin shishi e no Requiem (Samurai X: The Motion Picture) るろうに剣心

2006-03-11T10:27:00.000Z

Rurôni Kenshin: Ishin shishi e no Requiem (Samurai X: The Motion Picture) – 1997

Made before Trust and Betrayal (reviewed below) this is the film of the anime series. I have not seen the series and so was completely unfamiliar with the characters around Kenshin. The small comedy elements surprised me, after the darkness of Trust and Betrayal. The background story involving the other assassin is an excellent foundation and sets up the troubled character Shigure nicely. A deep story to delve into and the some emotional moments. Saito is back too, though not as I expected. Oh, and the Brits make a rather boring appearance, since it is based during the Meiji period when foreigner scum were starting to become common around Yokohama and other ports.

I know The British have the coolest history ever, though I'm sure the Japanese would never agree to that:) I have to admit the more I read into Japanese history, the more enthralled I become. I will judge which is the most interesting when and if the day comes when I have read a hundred books on each.

It's a good film. It is time for Kenshin to take up his sword again, but he cannot kill. 7/10

Du Shen (God of Gamblers) 賭神

2006-03-11T09:58:00.000Z

Du Shen (God of Gamblers) – 1989

A comedy/drama romp starring Andy Lau (House of Flying Daggers and Infernal affairs) and Yun-Fat Chow (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon and eventually Pirates of the Carribean 3). Both amazing Hong Kong stars with many films under their expensive belts. The well-built and tall Chow can really switch between silly comedy and serious cool guy with fantastic ease. It's about a chocolate-loving legendary gambler with supreme skill (Ko Chun played by Chow) who ends up taking a nasty fall and losing his memories. The fall also leaves him with the mind of a child. Knife, played by Lau, is responsible for the accident and looks after the injured Ko Chun. Once Knife realises what Ko Chun is capable of, they go on a gambling fest with the ultimate showdown. Dragon is very cool too. A fun film. 6.5/10

The Woodsman

2006-03-05T13:19:00.000Z

The Woodsman – 2004

Interesting idea for a film: a film about a paedophile (Walter) who returns to his hometown after 12 years behind bars. Must be tough and this film enlightens us as to what it must feel like for these hated individuals. Kevin Bacon is exceptional as Walter and is worthy of extra attention after this. It's a film that studies an individual in detail much like The Machinist, One Hour Photo, Cast Away and The Pianist. They tend to make for fascinating viewing, as long as the actor is good enough to take the weight. Mos Def is worth watching closely too – a very good cop performance. 6.5/10

Samurai X: Truth and Betrayal

2006-03-04T16:33:00.000Z

Samurai X: Truth and Betrayal – 1999 (This is a prelude)

The compelling story of Kenshin and Tomoe. Kenshin Himura is a young assassin working for the rising emporer-supporting clans, who kills Tomoe's soon to have been husband – with a rather nasty sword through the neck. Tomoe knows this and agrees to spend time with Kenshin as a spy to help bring down the anti-shogunate group lead by Katsurasan, who employed young Kenshin. Only, she falls in love with Kenshin.
Like 'When the Last Sword was Drawn', real historical characters feature prominently in this prelude to a popular TV series. Even if you are familiar with recent Japanese history, this is not an easy film to follow and some may be put off by the excessive use of blood. However, this is remarkable, powerful and beautiful anime, with a wonderful score and intense animation. Do avoid the always shite English dubbing. 8/10

Pride and Prejudice

2006-02-25T14:55:00.000Z

Pride and Prejudice - 2005

I'm 25 and have managed to avoid Jane Austin until now... I suppose having a girlfriend allows me to appreciate the finer things and this film is that. Set in Georgian England and revolving around five sisters of the Bennet family: Jane, Elizabeth, Mary, Kitty and Lydia, it's about Love, class, propriety and society. Donald Sutherland plays the father, Mr Bennet, with warmth and pride and he is fast becoming one of my fave old dude actors. The normal wealthy Mr Bingley and the ragingly wealthy and stern/proud/shy Mr Darcy arrive locally gathering up the attention of the lovely Bennet daughters and their mother who is eager to marry off her horde of delicate young English ladies. The quiet one, Mary, is played by Talulah Riley and I think she is delightful. Sorry I just need to note that. Hope I see more of Talulah on screen.

Now English girls, I believe, can be the loveliest and prettiest known to Man worldwide. Delicate features, innocence, pale rosy skin, lovely necks and the most appealing accents and language skills. Of course we also have many women in this country that are very much concerned with becoming a man. Damn, there are some butch monster women in this country. Things so ugly they may cause a series of spasms resulting in the consumption of one's own penis. There are a lot of ugly trees to fall off I think in Britain.

Anyway, Like the guy on the DVD extras says dating was so much easier then; you simply had to follow rules of etiquette. No awkward should i shake her hand, kiss her cheek, hug her, squeeze a boob, caress her cheek, eat her foot... just ways a man should act. Damn, touch meant so much more back then. It's such a big thing when Mr Darcy gently holds Elizabeth's hand a bit to help her on the carriage. Now you can witness two strangers sucking each other inside out on the dance floor of your local stinky sweaty tits-hanging-out night club. Anyway, the film is worth watching and I think men can take something away from this film. 7.5/10

Meet the Fockers

2006-02-24T16:46:00.000Z

Meet the Fockers - 2004

This was pretty weak really. It is simply the same old predictable jokes and cringeworthy moments. Ben Stiller (Greg) is ok, but I know he can be better. You just get the feeling that they could have tried so much more with this one; but it's a sequel and sequels are quick money. The real fun comes when Dustin Hoffman, playing Greg's dad Bernie, steps in. He is fantastic and a joy to watch and saves the film from complete apocalyptic disaster. The breast milk jokes completely fail, if you have seen Little Britain. 4/10

Cold Mountain

2006-02-19T13:21:00.000Z

Cold Mountain – 2003

I gotta stop watching depressing films. This one is about another area of beautiful human history – man killing man, cruelty and such. Believe me, this film is full of death. It is based during the American Civil War: for those who know little of American history, and please note how very shite it is to watch a historical film without even a tiny bit of knowledge, it was between the Unionists (The Union/USA lead by Lincoln) and the Confederates (the Southern states who enjoyed Slave Power and its large cotton production; and feared the modernisation taking place in the Northern states) . The causes of the War are still debated, so I won't go into too much detail (see Wikipedia if you must).

Anyway, Jude Law plays Inman a quiet, wounded confederate deserter, who grows tired of War. The pinnacle of this fatigue is brilliantly shown on Inman's face in the latter part of the film when Sara (a small part taken by Natalie Portman) shoots dead a good soldier. I like the versatile Jude; he has some negative attention from the media but I don't care about that shit and don't let it get in the way of a mighty fine performance. Also many people get pissed off with Cruise and his sometimes odd behaviour but damn, I rarely dislike him on screen.

For an American story, this film lacks Americans: We have Jude, Nicole, Gleeson (excellent as usual) and Ray Winstone all main characters and very much non-American. Nicole is pretty okay, nothing amazing as to be expected. Zellweger is better. It was a good film that I was able to sit back and become immersed in, with great help from the moving music. 7.5/10

"Come back to me. Come back to Cold Mountain."

The Cat Returns 猫の恩返し

2006-02-18T13:26:00.000Z

The Cat Returns (Neko no ongaeshi) - 2002
This one from Studio Ghibli, like Kiki's Delivery Service, is more orientated towards children. Haru, a young girl rescues a cat from imminent squashy road death, who is actually the son of a Cat King in the Kingdom of Cats. The Cat King brings Haru to his kingdom, where she sort of transfers into a cat herself and is to marry Prince Lune. If you love cats (neko) then you will adore this film's ideas. It can be quite amusing with some great characters, but this one was clearly made on a lower budget and lacks the depth we have come to love from Ghibli. A nice short lightweight film for a tired mind. 5.5/10

When the Last Sword is Drawn (壬生義士伝)

2006-02-17T11:18:00.000Z

When the Last Sword is Drawn (Mibu Gishi Den) – 2003

Yoshimura is a lower level Samurai who very much loves his family, but cannot take their poverty anymore. He is so determined to bring them a better life he leaves his small unimportant clan (a great dishonour to the clan and his family). He joins the Shinsengumi (a famous police group of Samurai in the last days of Tokugawa shogunate that really existed) who eventually must turn on the Emperor as the Meiji era approaches, to protect the Shogun. It is the story of the beginning of the rapid modernisation of Japan.
Yoshimura stands out within the Shinsengumi due to his potent skill with blades and his rather odd appreciation of money (which he is constantly sending home to his beloved family) due to his low standing background. He has a profound effect on the harsh Hajime Saito, the other main character in this film, played by Koichi Sato (Gonin). The film's greater power lies in its focus on these two men and their relationship and ultimately the very power within love and honor. Many of the characters are based on real people of the same names. The viewer will soon warn to Yoshimura! 8.5/10

Shaolin Soccer 少林足球 and Kung Fu Hustle 功夫

2006-02-10T13:46:00.000Z

Shaolin Soccer – 2001

Stephen Chow could be my favorite comedian ever. This film and Kung Fu Hustle made me laugh so much. He seems to relish in suddenly revealing a poor and completely ordinary person to be some kind of stupidly skillful kung-fu master. So many great moments like the ET bit. These films are excellent if you are feeling a bit down. If you die without seeing one of these films then your life was a hollow piece of nothingness. 7.5/10

"I want to say hello to my parents and my Kung Fu master, but they're all dead."

My review of Kung Fu Hustle from my old site:

Kung Fu Hustle (Gong Fu) – 2004

Directing and acting, Stephen Chow rules. I just love that knife throwing moment and the landlord falling out the window. Expect the unexpected with this one. Very amusing almost constantly, set in 1940s shanghai. Starting with an excellent dance routine. Fully recommended. 7.5/10

Crash

2006-02-10T13:09:00.000Z

Crash - 2004

Sometimes clever, but not brilliant. I liked the last crash just before the credits role involving Shaniqua who reveals the problems of intolerance, bigotry, crime and stereotypes are so deep rooted and widespread and that nothing really changes -- the characters themselves all change but the wider problem remains. The film does not seek solutions or try to lay down a great bed of hope with some trite happy endings (but there is some hope behind all the darkness). It also makes LA look like a complete shitehole to live in; maybe it is -- I'm not too bothered about finding out. An impressive cast and good stories. Certainly worth watching. 7/10

"You embarrass me. You embarrass yourself."

The Fantastic Four

2006-01-28T13:42:00.000Z

The Fantastic Four - 2005
The Marvel Universe is so epic and with material like 'Earth X' is fundamentally brilliant. Everything underlying the Marvel Universe is impressive and so I am always dissapointed with the movie versions because they have to shy away from the more fantastic aspects of Marvel. However, for what it is this film was good. It entertained me. What I want to see next is some bringing together of Marvel characters. Let the viewers realise that the Fantastic Four know of Spider Man and the X-men; they are all part of the same universe... maybe have some crossover, cameo appearances. As always with these Marvel films the casting is excellent; the faces match up well enough with the original comic art. Looks like the sequel is go already. It's good to see Ioan Grufudd become a face in the US too, as like Sean Bean's 'Sharpe' before him, he was the main character of another excellent British historical drama tv show called 'Hornblower'. 5.5/10

Empire of the Sun and Finding Neverland

2006-01-27T12:49:00.000Z

Empire of the Sun – 1987

I love films that tell history through the eyes of a child, this time a English aristocratic boy called James (Christian Bale). I must have watched this 10 times as I grew up. The original story was written by J.G Ballard who wrote it based on his own childhood in Japanese occupied Shanghai. In the film you see the chaos everywhere around Jim, but he sees it differently to the adults around him. It is sometimes a very moving film, as Jim warms to English folk taken from their wealthy lifestyles to internment camp conditions and starvation, captured American pilots and even the Japanese through his passion for planes. The whole region was complete chaos and this film captures it well. 8.5/10

Jim: If the Americans land, the Japanese will fight.
Dr. Rawlins: You admire the Japanese?
Jim: Well, they're brave, aren't they?
Dr. Rawlins: That's important, is it, Jim?
Jim: It's a good thing if you want to win a war.
Dr. Rawlins: But we don't want them to win, do we. Remember, we're British.
Jim: Yes.... I've never been there.

Finding Neverland – 2004

Depp was so very the right man for this role. He always manages to grab these kinds of scripts. It is very touching to watch a character so obviously still a child at heart; he almost gives the impression of a child not understanding grown up things like love, breaking up and death. Depp is brilliant and one of my favorite actors. Not many can dislike this guy with good reason. The brief recreation of Neverland, in the film, really warms you to J.M. Barrie's creation. Paul Whitehouse was in the film who some may recognise from British television (In fact, I noted Depp guest starred in one episode of Whitehouse's 'The Fast Show'; he is a fan of the show). Mackenzie Crook, who starred with Depp in pirates also makes an appearance. I also noted, Depp has played a number of British accent roles. Peter in this film is played by Freddie Highmore who Depp requested to play Charlie in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, which I must see. Finally may I say Kelly Macdonald makes a very attractive Peter Pan. 8.5/10

If you read into the history of Barrie's life after he adopted the 5 sons (Peter, Jack, George, Michael and Nicholas) it is quite a unhappy tale.

War of the Worlds

2006-01-23T21:16:00.000Z

War of the Worlds - 2005
It's Cruise time again. I like the guy even though he has a scary (but kinda dashing too) smile. He plays a working class dude this time round and does it very well forsooth. He proves entertaining to watch throughout, mainly due to the difficult, amusing and touching relations with his children. The film keeps you on tender hooks all the way to the rather sudden end, explained off by bacteria I presume. The survival of the son is a bit happy happy for me. Robbie should have perished like a dog damn it, possibly impaled on the tripod's legs. I really appreciate a heavy dose of imagination in films and much can be extracted from the brilliant book (which I have not read, but am presuming is brilliant). The spreading out of the guts is quite wonderful and the mass extinction of the wretched humans quite understandable really. I think Earth needs an alien attack to bring back some apprecation of the tenderness and beauty of life you moaning bastards. hah! Joking... or am I... find out in next week's episode of... The film has been judged good. 8/10

Grave of the Fireflies 火垂るの墓

2006-01-23T21:14:00.001Z

Grave of the Fireflies (Hotaru no haka) - 1988

If you hate truly depressing films then don't watch this. However, if you like to clarify in your mind how utterly pointless, hateful and horrible war is then do watch it and prepare to be moved, and believe me the better for it. To see the Japanese perspective is very interesting, but there is no anti-American feelings embedded beneath. It's just the story of survival seen through the eyes of Seita and his little sister Setsuko, after their mother is killed in the fire bombings and their father is away serving in the doomed Japanese Navy. A powerful film. 9.5/10

"Why must fireflies die so young?"

9 Songs

2006-01-23T21:14:00.000Z

9 Songs - 2004
I found parts boring. The drugs annoyed me. I also found some parts very tender. The ejaculation was most impressive...he must have built that up for a few days. And then you see blood pumping by furiously in his neck. The music is good old Brit rock. Above all, I got one thing from this film...I want to go to the Antarctica. Not as a scientist like it seems to be the only way, but for a brief holiday. Must feel amazing to be away from all the human scum and pollution and dog turd and crap trains and litter. Wow. 6/10 methinks.

Signs

2006-01-23T20:57:00.000Z

Signs - 2002
Yes...it is good. But so much does not add up. Why don't the aliens have phaser guns? Unless this is just their way of doing things. Or maybe they simply do not have the concept of guns and blades. They prefer to face humans in hand to hand combat. Or mayhaps just the aliens near the Hess's home decide to not use weapons and a huge war has taken place and most the wretched humons are dead. And why no protection against water, like armour, when the planet is full of water? And they can be locked in with a wooden door? Now they must be intelligent to invent spaceships that can turn invisible so why are they so fucking dumb...arghhhh! Arrrghhh! I can explain it.. it's some sort of game; a challenge to defeat the stupid humans naked with harmful water everywhere! Humiliate the humans by beating them nude! That would make sense. They lost the challenge in the end and so left shamed. They let the pathetic humoooons live for their victory. Hah! Otherwise, the film is excellent. Mel Gibby is goodo as the father and Whacky Phoneixioooo is good too, as to be expected. It's very fascinating watching the story develop from the initial crop circles. The emotions run high too and Mel be good at that stuff (see Patriot). 6.5/10

Go here for a very amusing perspective on this film: http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=signs