23.9.06
The Long Weekend
The Long Weekend – 2005 again
Not bad. I got more than just a few laughs out of this one. Excellent for a bit of light hearted entertainment on a sunday night before another FRICKIN WEEK OF WORK! Arrrrghhh!
It's about two brothers Ed and Cooper. Ed played by Brendan Fehr is the uptight one and highly career focused. Cooper, Chris Klein, is the party animal. Cooper wants to help Ed chillax more and so the weekend of fun and troubles begins. It's just a fun film. Don't expect much, just get one of your finest lagers and lie back and enjoy what it is. 5.5/10
NB: I think Klein was trying a bit too hard to be like Stifler from American Pie.
Domino
Domino – 2005
It is seldom when I quit a film halfway. I just could not stand this. I only rented it because it's got lovely Keira (and Lucy baby) in it. Alas, Keira plays a boring, obnoxious, uncomplicated and unlikable character. I found myself wishing a horrible shotgun death on her Domino character after about 30 minutes of viewing. Was the real Domino Harvey like this? Do I care? In conclusion Keira makes for a shite bad girl. Maybe I'm just saying this because I loved her performance in Pride and Prejudice and like her loads in interviews and can't stand to see her in a role like this, but she simply could not pull it off in a convincing manner.
I really hated the part where she does a lap dance to get them out of a tricky situation with randam gangbangers. Really really really stupid and unbelievable and the worst directing of a lap dance scene ever in film history.
Also the editing, camera movements and style is not to my taste. People on IMDb user reviews use words like 'stylistic' and 'postmodern masterpiece'. Fuck that for a dollar. It's tiny cat cock and no doubt about it. That fancy editing just makes it chaotic and frustrating to watch, especially with the shitty soundtrack.
Finally I admit what really defeated me was the soundtrack. It really stinked. I might just have forced myself to finish it otherwise. 1/10
17.9.06
The Constant Gardener
The Constant Gardener – 2005
An intelligent political thriller. Low level British diplomat Justin Quayle's activist wife, Tessa, is murdered in remote Kenya. The normally unambitious Quayle believes something is amiss and knows his wife was keeping important things from him. He decides to step completely out of character and use his position to investigate the murder himself. Justin learns a lot more about his wife in the process and comes to realise what an amazing person she was and why she was keeping certain information away from him, and he then seeks to expose an evil truth in her memory.
Firstly this film is about love and remorse; secondly it is about high level corruption in a British High Commission also involving pharmaceutical corporations. It is a very good and involved film. Ralph Fiennes plays Justin and Rachel Weisz is the outspoken Tessa. They both portray the characters from this story (a novel by John le Carre) with total skill and devotion. I especially like Fiennes, who manages to hold the audience throughout. There is just something about him.
The director is Brazilian Fernando Meirelles (City of God) who has clearly made a stunning film. Wonderful cinematography. 8.5/10
16.9.06
Flightplan
Flightplan – 2005
You know that great feeling when a twist works in a film, and you think back through the film and realise how it all makes sense now. It all fits in place. Well this film tries a new approach; lets have a twist but when you think back it's actually all implausible and absolutely ridiculous. Flightplan is stupid. The plan is stupid and is dependent on so many unlikely to happen factors.
The plot is awful, but Jodie Foster is amazing to watch, and she is looking good... swiiing. She is one of the best actresses in the whole freekin world. If you can block out the flaws in the plot then just watching Jodie will appease you greatly. Shame she chose this one though, because she is usally great at choosing good scripts. Jodie is also a fantastically interesting person outside film. I meet her for coffee occasionally. That's a lie. We meet for tea. Nah... never met her. She is fluent in French and Italian which makes her even more swiiing.
Sean Bean is also in this too playing a good guy for once in films. He is the British pilot of the highly impressive plane upon which nearly all this film takes place.
The plot involves a woman who is flying her dead husband's body back to the USA from Berlin. She brings her six year old daughter on board, but a few hours into the flight her daughter goes missing. Where can she freekin be hiding on a freekin plane, though it's a big plane. No other passengers claim to have seen her daughter at all. Is she going crazy? Sooo yeah 5/10
The plot is awful, but Jodie Foster is amazing to watch, and she is looking good... swiiing. She is one of the best actresses in the whole freekin world. If you can block out the flaws in the plot then just watching Jodie will appease you greatly. Shame she chose this one though, because she is usally great at choosing good scripts. Jodie is also a fantastically interesting person outside film. I meet her for coffee occasionally. That's a lie. We meet for tea. Nah... never met her. She is fluent in French and Italian which makes her even more swiiing.
Sean Bean is also in this too playing a good guy for once in films. He is the British pilot of the highly impressive plane upon which nearly all this film takes place.
The plot involves a woman who is flying her dead husband's body back to the USA from Berlin. She brings her six year old daughter on board, but a few hours into the flight her daughter goes missing. Where can she freekin be hiding on a freekin plane, though it's a big plane. No other passengers claim to have seen her daughter at all. Is she going crazy? Sooo yeah 5/10
9.9.06
King Kong
King Kong – 2005
A spectacular production brimming with special effects from the Lord of the Rings Weta team. It's about a film maker eager to record the amazing and so him and his crew head off to the mysterious and unmapped Skull Island. They meet the savage and primitive natives who kill one of the crew and capture the main star Ann Darrow (beautiful Kent born Naomi Watts). The primitives then offer Ann to the Kong as a sacrifice. The crew begin a rescue mission to save her. The savage primitive ugly folk (acting just like orcs really) vanish from the film/script once the ship's crew appear with guns. Kong gets Ann and ends up quite liking her and wanting to protect her from frickin everything. She becomes very fond of him too. Kong is clearly king of the jungle as he kicks multiple T-rex ass: these scenes are bloody brilliant. Stuff happens that leads to the capture of Kong and his return to New York making all involved rich. However, Kong escapes and searches for his blondie babe and climbs a tall building, smashes some planes, takes too many bullets and falls to death. The end. Only it's done beautifully well thanks to Peter and Fran and others. Some nice comedy touches too throughout the film.
The film also stars Jack Black as the ambitious film maker Carl Denham. Adrien Brody is Ann's love interest and writer Jack Driscoll. It's a long and fun adventure with an ineluctable ending... unless ya turn it off near the end to avoid sobbing. 6.5/10
3.9.06
Condemned: Criminal Origins
Condemned XBOX 360 – 2005
This game is awesome. I just finished it. I would say the melee combat system is just as good, maybe slightly better than Elder Scrolls: Oblivion. You feel the hits and the impact; you see the blood splash and stain your weapon; the sounds of contact are powerful and the violent screams intense – all things Oblivion boasted about with its real-time melee combat system but turned out not that impressive after so many hours of gameplay. Blocking is more solid too than Oblivion and somewhat more challenging. In conclusion combat is very satisfying, especially after a bad day at work. It's not just about cracking moderate AI skulls, you also get to search for evidence with special equipment.
The story is a little confusing and fucked up but you can't help but be absorbed. You play Ethan Thomas (voiced perfectly by Greg Grunberg), an investigator in the FBI's Serial Crimes Unit (SCU). He is set up for the murder of two police officers by Serial Killer X who has been using him to get access to other serial killers. There has been a highly significant increase in violent crimes and, oddly, a large increase in bird deaths in the same areas. At the end of the game, much remains unanswered and let's hope there is a sequel. Unlocking the reports helps explain stuff a little if ye can find all those metal pieces.
The story is a little confusing and fucked up but you can't help but be absorbed. You play Ethan Thomas (voiced perfectly by Greg Grunberg), an investigator in the FBI's Serial Crimes Unit (SCU). He is set up for the murder of two police officers by Serial Killer X who has been using him to get access to other serial killers. There has been a highly significant increase in violent crimes and, oddly, a large increase in bird deaths in the same areas. At the end of the game, much remains unanswered and let's hope there is a sequel. Unlocking the reports helps explain stuff a little if ye can find all those metal pieces.
The environments are very detailed and highly atmospheric with occasional disturbing flashbacks and images affecting your character, Ethan. You will hear heavy breathing and objects being knocked to the floor by hidden crazy enemies. (I bet it's amazing with the supported 5.1 surround-sound.) You will be drawn in and most certainly scared if you lose yourself in the deep dark places you must wonder. There is a wide choice of weapons, both melee, such as pipes and crowbars, and guns. Also a cool taser for your pleasure – actually it's a fucking life-saver. There are plenty of achievements to unlock too.
Not for the weak-hearted and those that hate video game violence stay away! However, the people you are killing are crazed maniacs or deformed half-dead things so it's cool. Not like that gun-glorifying gangsta lifestyle Saints Row shit. This is an excellent game well worth the time and effort to complete. 7/10
Not for the weak-hearted and those that hate video game violence stay away! However, the people you are killing are crazed maniacs or deformed half-dead things so it's cool. Not like that gun-glorifying gangsta lifestyle Saints Row shit. This is an excellent game well worth the time and effort to complete. 7/10
The Virgin Queen (TV Drama)
The Virgin Queen – 2005
The very talented Anne-Marie Duff plays Elizabeth through her fascinating 45 year reign in this 4 part TV production (each part a different section of her life). I think this one pissed off the historians too.
It's clear they spent so much money on the astonishing and large costumes from the rather crap action scenes – minimal spending here despite a couple of opportunities for some small battle scenes. A brief battle scene in the fourth episode involves some blurring and camera shaking and was ultimately deemed crap by my good self. Some may claim it is an artistic effect but it looks rubbsih and was just budget management. But this drama is about the person, Elizabeth and it does her well.
Robert Dudley, 1st Earl of Leicester and Elizabeth's long time love interest, is played by Tom Hardy. At first I was not sure about him, but he grows on you as the series continues. In the end I think he did a damn fine job. William Cecil was Elizabeth's chief advisor for most of her reign and is performed very well by Ian Hart. Emila Fox plays Amy Dudley, she also appeared in Henry VIII (reviewed below) as Jane Seymour. Also watch out for Hans Metheson who does an excellent job as Robert Devereux – Earl of Essex. I won't go into too much detail because if I start digging into the history too much then this will turn into an essay.
I've selected Elizabeth I (Channel 4 production with Helen Mirren and Jeremy Irons) for rent with Screenselect which is supposed to be better, and the film with the lovely Cate Blanchett which might also be better. The reviews will be posted here, cus I just know a thousand people out there eagerly await my posts...ahahhah...ahahhahahaha! AHHAHAHAHA!
If you have not already then I seriously recommend reading further into Elizabeth's long and detailed reign, and this production and others may induce you to do so. This is a good production and well worth a watch. It can be a little difficult to follow at times, or maybe I'm just a bit thick at times. 6.5/10
1.9.06
Henry VIII (TV Drama)
Henry VIII – 2003
This expensive TV production is not one for the historians, because it is massively inaccurate. Don't watch it with one of those art student types because they will tear it apart showing off their wide knowledge and annoy the very fuck out of you. I love reading history books, but I also love great tv drama and so completely forgive the inaccuracies... Haaaaah! So yeah, Henry is played by Ray Winstone who does not exactly try too hard to hide his cockney accent, but this adds to the toughness of King Henry which I liked. The only bit I did not like was the scene when he is getting drunk with his men and Robert Aske of York (Bean) – they seem like a bunch of modern day rowdy football fans, cept' the costumes. And by the Gods the costumes are great!
The supporting cast are awesome: Sean Bean, Helena Bonham Carter (Anne Boleyn), Charles Dance, Emilia Fox (Jane Seymour), David Suchet. All do a superb job.
As you would expect a lot of people get executed, usually by the axe man aka headsman (There is a rather nasty scene with a young first time axe man – he misses the general neck area more than once.) but for those that really piss off the king or harm England: a nice slow burning. The wives of Henry probably indeed had a lot of power over him, but two of them got themselves executed at his order so they clearly had to tread carefully. It truly is fascinating. We learn of the young Elizabeth and Mary. We learn of the short-lived Edward – Henry's only son, who never reached adulthood. We learn how religious England once was and the Dissolution of the Monasteries. Despite its inaccuracies, I think this TV film will get you buying history books to delve deeper into this fascinating period of England's history. Just one of many. The inspiring music and wonderful locations improve it all further. I completely enjoyed this production. 9/10 yes 9...Haaaah! Take that all pedantic art students!
Scary Movie 4
Scary Movie 4 – 2006
The story is random bollocks spoofing The Village, Brokeback Mountain, War of the Worlds, The Grudge and others. This film will definitely make you laugh, especially the Tom Cruise piss-take at the end. Leslie Nielsen adds some much needed quality as the President. This franchise would appear to still be successful, however if you paid money to watch these films at the cinema ya may have had that hollow feeling that you just wasted it. One to rent online methinks. Anna Faris (also seen in Lost in Translation and Brokeback Mountain) is sweet. 3.5/10
